Without A Goodbye
by Fiercely Awkward
Summary: She knew she was in deep shit. She could tell as soon as she stepped off the hovercraft into the one of district 13's underground hangers and saw her, watching silently from overhead, holding her gaze for a moment, expression unreadable, before turning and walking away without a word


She knew she was in deep shit.

She could tell as soon as she stepped off the hovercraft into the one of district 13's underground hangers and saw her, watching silently from overhead, holding her gaze for a moment, expression unreadable, before turning and walking away without a word.

Johanna knew she shouldn't have gone, shouldn't have snuck off on the mission but she was just so fucking tired of being useless. She needed to be there, doing something tangible, something physical, against those Capitol bastards. Sitting around, training already competent soldiers for battle, watching as they went off to do their part for the rebellion while she was stuck, under the ever watchful eye of the president, Alma Coin, her fiancé. Part of her feels guilty for sneaking off without telling her partner, but that guilt is drowned by an overwhelming anger over not being able to do her part for the rebellion. Johanna knows Alma would be hurt by her actions, but it also hurt her to sit by in the sidelines being coddled by your fiancé who thinks you aren't capable of being more than a glorified puppet doing shit all. She had been patient, done what was asked if her, and had done it well. But she was never allowed to prove herself to the cause - never allowed to go out and do what she knows she is fully capable of achieving. As much as she loves her fiancé - that is just something that the president does not seem to understand.  
Taking her time to unpack and freshen up, she allowed both herself and Alma time to cool down and gather their thoughts before the inevitable argument that would follow Johanna's impromptu mission.

Watching from the balcony above the underground hanger, Alma watched as the hovercraft landed and the crew disembarked. Her heart thumped in her chest as she spotted the spiky crop of black hair that was uniquely her fiancé. Schooling her expression to betray none of her inner turmoil, she held Johanna's gaze for a moment before she felt her mask slipping, a lump forming hard in her throat, eyes becoming hot and scratchy, she turned on her heel and walked briskly to her suite.  
She knew logically that she shouldn't be upset. Johanna was a grown woman and she would be a valuable member of any military team. But that didn't discount that she had just left with absolutely no warning, without even asking her own fiancé for her opinion first. Her fiancé who happened to be the fucking president of the district. If she had wanted to go so badly all she had to do was ask for goodness sake. Yes Alma would prefer her to be safe in district 13 with her but there was no denying that Johanna is a valuable asset to the rebellion and it was about time for her to go anyway. But Alma was hurt. Hurt that the only person she truly loved and trusted had left her like it had meant nothing, put her life on the line as if it would mean nothing if she where to die in combat, like she had no one desperately hoping she was safe and well, wishing for her to come back home safely. Yes, Alma was hurt, and she was pissed.

Johanna stood outside the door to the suite Alma and she shared, contemplating how to approach the woman inside. "Fuck it" she grumbled as she opened the door and walked in. Hearing the faint sound of the shower running in the bathroom, Johanna took the time to unpack her clothes into their rightful spot in their bedroom before returning to the kitchen as the running water in the bathroom was cut off. In the silence that followed Johanna could have sworn she heard the sound of faint crying, and it broke her heart. But she had to stay firm, she couldn't stay cooped up in this concrete ants nest forever, she would go crazy. So she listened and she waited.

The hot water soothed her frayed nerves. As Alma stood under the stream of water she allowed the tears to finally spill over. All she wanted was Johanna back in her arms, to be in Johanna's arms, being held, to kiss her lover until her lips where bruised and swollen. But she couldn't bring herself to allow it. She was still too angry at her partner to let it go. Cutting off the water and wrapping herself in her towel Alma couldn't help the last few sobs escape her before she composed herself with a few shaky breaths. The anger was strong now, it bubbled like acid in her stomach and weighed her heart down in her chest. Drying her hair she opened the shower door to find Johanna staring at her from across the kitchen.

It seems like an eternity before the shower door finally opened revealing Alma, all fluffy white towel and silver hair. Johanna watched as her eyes widened momentarily in shock before her face hardened to stone, anger rippling from her eyes in waves. Stalking past her, Alma strode into their bedroom where shesilently began to dress. Johanna followed her watching as her partner tugged loose tank top over her head.

"Babe ... Let me explain"

Alma whipped around her body shaking, from anger or something else Johanna couldn't be sure.

"You left Johanna... You fucking left me without so much as a note." She hissed. "Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was? Any idea at all? My fiancé sneaks out on a highly dangerous mission without so much as a goodbye and you thought that was an okay thing to do?!" Her voice was getting louder and high pitched, but she either didn't notice ordidn't care.

"Yeah I did." Johanna spoke calmly despite her anger, "I left but it's not like you would have let me go if I hadn't of done what I did. You gave me no choice Alma. I want to do something - I need to do something. I need to be useful - use my skills to help the cause. I need to be allowed to be the valuable asset that everyone else realises I am and can be. Everyone, it seems, but you."

Alma's eyes filled with tears that she angrily blinked down. The vein in her forehead throbbing as she spoke, "you truly think I don't realise you're a valuable asset and member of 13s military? Johanna I know you are. I know what you're capable and I realise I've probably kept you here for longer than necessary. But you just fucking left Johanna. Did you even care how I felt? Do you care? I come home to an empty apartment, I can't find you anywhere, you aren't answering my calls and then I learn that you just up and left on one of the most dangerous missions because you felt like that's what you needed? Did you even consider what would have happened had the mission failed? Did you even consider me at all?" Her voice breaking, Alma had made her way closer to Johanna until they were a step away from each other.  
Swallowing, she continued, voice croaky, before a shocked Johanna could reply. "You -" she poked Johanna in the chest, "could have been killed. You -" poke," are stupid -" she slapped her hands against Johanna's shoulders and pushed, "and reckless," push, "and -"

Johanna grabbed Alma's wrists before she could push her back again and grabbed onto her fiancés shoulder shaking her lightly. "Babe it's my fucking job. I wasn't cut out for staying put and being kept as a puppet to do whatever I get told to do under your ever watchful eye. I'm my own person. Yes I love you and yes I want to be with you but you can't keep coddling me from life - remember I've had plenty of experience before I ever met you and you have to understand I'm not going to change who I am to suit anyone. It's not who I am."

They stared at each other for a long while before Alma whispered, "I know."  
As she wrapped her arms around her waist, her bottom lip quivering slightly. "I should have let you go sooner, you were ready. It was just me who wasn't ready to lose you."

Johanna sighed as she pulled Alma into a tight hug, her face buried in soft silver hair as the shaking woman buried her own face in the crook of Johanna's neck. "I'm right here, my love" she whispered softly as she placed a tender kiss to her lovers head. From her place against Johanna's neck came a muffled plea as hot tears seared the brunettes skin, "please just tell me before you leave ..." A hint of desperation clinging to her voice, "And some indication as to when you will return. 3 weeks of not knowing nearly killed me."

Guilt welled up in Johanna's chest as the petite frame in her arms trembled. Kissing down her lovers face she wiped away the stray tears, placing soft kisses to each eyelid before catching Alma's soft pink lips with her own. Alma gently whimpered into the kiss, and a faint blush crept up her neck at the unexpected noise. Kissing and sucking her lovers sweet spots on her neck - behind her ear, rubbing soothing circles into her back as she did so, Johanna gently pushed alma back until her legs hit the bed.  
Running her hand up the older womans ribs she kissed harder, tongue exploring into her fiancés mouth, as she gently pushed the tank top off and onto the floor. Alma had one hand gripped in Johannas short black hair and the other grasping onto her shoulder as Johanna lowered her head to catch a dusky pink nipple in her mouth, sucking nipping until it was hard and reddened before doing the same to the other.

By now Alma's breath was coming in ragged bursts, punctuated by groans and whimpers. Attempting to reciprocate to her lover Alma cupped Johannas small breasts in her palms, but Johanna only pulled them up, her breath catching, and held her small hands above her head with one hand as the other removed the white fluffy towel Almas lowerbody was still wrapped in after removing her own clothing.

"Let me touch you Johanna," Alma whispered in a pained tone.  
Johanna only shook her head, "not yet, love". Johanna wasn't quite ready to admit that she had may have made a rash decision to sneak off. Alma was right when she said she could have been killed, but seeing her fiancé, her beautiful fiancé, only just made her realise how much she would have lost and how much pain she would have caused her love had she not returned safe.  
Squirming beneath her, Alma brought Johanna back into the present. What a good present it was. A beautiful, complex, strong, independent woman, flushed with arousal, and squirming to be touched underneath her.

Alma had her hands pinned above her head, back arching and eyes scrunched closed as Johanna straddled her, grinding their hips together as she licked and sucked at her lovers already painfully hard nipples, taking her time to worship the woman beneath her. Wanting more, Alma moved her leg, Johanna catching on and bent Almas leg up against her torso, causing the older woman to cry out at the sudden intense sensation. Her body felt like it was electrified, focusing down to the bundle of nerves Johanna was currently rolling her hips against. Hard.  
Moving her lips up the porcelain skin beneath her, Johanna released her grip on Almas hands, resting forehead against forehead before Alma closed the gap between them with a tender kiss, pulling Johannas body flush against her as she did so. Moving together, they found a leisurely rhythm, taking their time to explore each other again.

Lying against each other as their breathing returned to normal, Alma pulled the covers over them both, snuggling up into her fiancés side, legs entangled, hearts beating against the other. Rubbing circles over her lovers back, Johanna softly whispered, "I missed you."  
Snuggling closer, Alma pressed a soft kiss against the damp skin over Johannas heart, "I missed you too."


End file.
